Simple right? 1+1=2. The universal fact and even a small kid knows that. Even a child learning his/her ABC's know that. So, why is it that adults fail to know or understand such a simple equation which we had known since young. Stupidity? Heck no. I'll get back to this "simple" equation and why i have it early in this post.
Sometimes it really blows my top and I cringe hard when someone I know comes up to me with some problems with their relationships. Human behavior is, that if someone you know complains about some problem in their relationships, you most likely may side that someone as he/she is either your friend or relative or just someone close to you. For me, i take a different approach. As they say, there is always two sides of a story. So, yes, i was approached by a friend about a relationship problem between her and her better half. After all the yada yada that she kept blurting out and showing the text messages that transpired between herself and her better half, i needed an asprin myself. Adding salt to injury, i still haven't recovered from my almost-2-weeks cough.
The first thing I had to point out to my this frantically-going-nuts friend of mine was the root of the problem. You know, we always look at things or people and say "how i wish i had that" or how i wish my girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband was like that". But in actual fact, their better half they have now is exactly what they have been looking for. But they were treated like dirt..unbothered about how they feel, or when they don't have the mood or don't feel like it, just snub them aside and probably throw insane tantrums at them. I mean who in the first place do you think they are to you? DOGS? ROBOTS? So, this particular friend of mine, good thing is that i do know her better half too and he is a really great guy. So, the first thing i asked my friend was "did he talk to you about this?" she went on blabbing that yes he did but.......i just couldn't make out the rest as god, if i absorb another word from this crazy friend of mine, i'll probably smack her upside-down. Hence, i went on to say, "look, your bf wants to talk to you. but u're not listening. you want things to go your own f-ing way only. If that's the case, why not just get married to yourself and use a dildo all the time?". In many relationships, couples who bravado about themselves that they are this and that, goodie-two-shoes, ms/mr perfect and they have this crazy expectation that everyone is suppose to give way to them and they are not suppose to change anything about themselves. To me that's is so immature..down right immature. A relationship and even more in a marriage, it's about 2 individuals becoming one. As the saying goes, it takes two hands to clap.
My friend was complaining that she just had an argument with her better half and i swear to god, it was so trivial, that even a 4 year old child will laugh. They were arguing about small little NOTHINGS. which made me feel like i should shoot myself to get away from the misery. My friend just kept insulting her bf and she just did not understand the meaning of love and being together. I just had to ask her one thing, "what if your better half did EXACTLY the same thing to you like what you did and say to him now, would you be mad?". and of course, i expected an answer like this: "he dares? i'll kill him". So, my next question is, "who do you think you are then? If you don't like people to do the same to you, why the hell are you doing it to others?" And for heavens sake this friend of mine, she has suddenly just stopped showing affection to her better half, but she complains "he never says I love you to me anymore". I asked her to send me whatever texts she had with him and my god, her better half was like everyday asking nicely, "dear have you eaten?", "dear, don't forget to wear a jacket when it's cold" and YES, i saw several messages that her better half did mention he loves her very much..but slowly fading and i could see why. it's because, it was she herself who does not respond to any of these affections. I told her to seriously go change her contact lenses to a higher power if she wore one and f-ing read all the texts again that she has with him. When your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband shows affection to you, by all means do f-ing respond and show them your love too! OMG, that was so hard that I had to get a double PHD for that...i mean cmon, that's just so simple! EVERYONE, be it a guy or a girl would want to be loved and appreciated for what they have done. EVERYONE wants that. so, if you love that guy/girl, what so hard for you to show a affection or to show love to your other half? what the F is stopping you? face? ego? That brings me back to the equation of 1+1=2. so, the universal fact is 1+1=2..there will be no change for that. But people expect 1+0=2. why 0? is because they do not want to do anything or maybe do some small things and expect the equation to be 2. It's not just a one-time-off-thing that you do and it last for the rest of your whole relationship life, it's always a constant everyday small little things that makes the relationship grow. My friend wants 1+0=2 or 1+0.5=2. Is she insane?
There were just so many things she went yada yada about but i'll just write about one more thing. She mentioned that she had been stressed out with her work and etc. and she is "too lazy" to type or talk more to the better half. For crying out loud, she thinks she is the only one busy there and his better half isn't at all. I just slammed at her and said, "cmon, grow up will you? how is it that your bf is busy too but still find time to chat or talk to you and mind you, it's alot of times he wants too have a nice conversation with you but you just turn him flat down by answering his texts with really short replies..and additional to that, with no affection, what-so-ever. you're lucky that he doesn't have another girl for himself and even IF he does, you can't blame him as you have sidelined him yourself." You see, i saw this video by Mark Gungor, and in that video he mentioned that affairs most of the time are not just about sex, it's about emotion. It's because in a relationship, one individual in the couple had dismissed or neglected the other half's dreams, sharings, feelings and emotions and when that other poor emotionally neglected half talks to some bimbo, and this bimbo finds his dreams, sharings, feelings and emotions are great things, that the neglector is now in trouble. I absolutely agree with Mark. My friend doesn't know that her better half is a human being who has emotions and feelings and also want to be loved the same way as he loves her! And my friend's better half is an entrepreneur and i do know entrepreneurs have alot of shit to do (although we look at them like they have nothing to do but they really do have a lot of shit to do. even more than any average working class people) and still find time to try to talk to my friend and show his affections to her. I really pity him. I just had to tell off my lunatic friend, "look, you have a great guy with you now. do you remember how much u were telling me how great he is? I know him too and i kn0w he is a great person. if you continue your disruptive character, being egoistic and stubborn, i'm telling you, you are only pushing him away yourself, not others. if you think you're like this and you are stubborn and hard headed not to change yourself, then i suggest you get a dildo and use it on yourself for the rest of your life!" Yes, the saying goes we should be loved for who we are. I'm not altering that perspective but for crying out loud, if you have found someone really good and you know he/she is a great person, please in the name of god, lower your ego, stubbornness and other disruptive characters that will indefinitely disrupt your relationship. There is nothing wrong in apologizing and i can place all my marbles on that, that your better half would appreciate that fully.
I told my friend one last advice, "before you even want to get angry and criticize and scold your better half, please do think if those exact same words you're gonna use is used against you. If you do not like those words to be used on you, then for love of god, don't use it on your better half."
"Do not disappoint the wrong people just because you don't know how to check on yourself"
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