Expectations, The Bane For A Person's Life?

It's quite a while i wrote anything here but since it is a holiday today, i was compelled to write something as I was having a group chat with some of my friends which I believe is many people's problem these days. Yup, i said it, EXPECTATIONS.

Don't get me wrong, expectations is also good in a way because it drives a person to excel or push a person to achieve something in life. But what if it's an overwhelming expectation? It can come from the person himself/herself or it can also come from other people. Majority of the time, it's expectations from other people and people live on other people's expectations. Be it expectations from friends, family members, colleagues, bosses, loved ones and etc. The most fearful one is living an overwhelming expectation from family members and one's self.

Ever heard of expectations from family members such as from your parents that the child must be this and that, must find a same status person to get married and etc. The list goes a long way for this. Most of the time, being raised up by that parent, the child adopts that thinking that their parents is correct. Yes, that's normal as a child will always look up to their parents. Hence, having these kind of expectations really can detriment a person or a child's life. We hear of so many cases of suicides these days because of the pressure coming from parents, the crazily overwhelming expectations from them. I mean, is that worth it? A number of them survive this crazy pressure of expecation, but many fold and turn to suicide or other ways to remove themselves from the pain.

Nowadays, people want the "top of the cream" stuff (deliberate bolding of the word "stuff"). I mean yes, who doesn't. Putting pressure and expectations to themselves can probably boost them to achieve those stuff. It's good to have a little pressure in life so that one can drive themselves to be better. Now, what's bad here is when a person has overwhelming expectations on other people, especially on the people who loves them such as wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend and etc. Worst is when their loved ones are pushed extremely hard with expectations just because that person who expects wants to show off to their circle of friends or even plainly do not have the patience to wait. Just too many of these cases where one side expects too much and the other just can't deliver. Would anyone feel happy? I bet all my chips on this that nobody will be. It's more of "one-way" business if that happens in any relationship or couple (be it married or not).

Personally and i've also seen it with my very own eyes that when an individual or a couple helps each other out and putting down overwhelming expectations, they achieve more than their wildest dreams. This is very simple and very logical. When there is LOW STRESS in couples, doesn't matter from which side, the more collaboration a couple can build. In a couple, it's like a team. It's no longer an individual game. If one side is just only demanding and taking, the other will soon burn out and fall off. I normally call these demanding and only taking people, LEECHES/PARASITES. Hence, when a couple puts down overwhelming expectations on each other, they know that they have each other's back in every aspect be it moral, energy, time and monetary support. It will be like, if one knows that the partner is having trouble in monetary, then the other partner should at least help up abit on doing some payment on other things instead of putting the entire load to the one that has problems monetarily. I have seen that when one does that for their partner, the partner will be very happy and will work even harder to give more to the partner who helped. Hence, they will strive together and achieve more without feeling stressed. Of course, i'm not talking about TOTAL no stress because that's impossible.

I believe people should put down overwhelming expectations on themselves and also on other people to achieve more and be a happier person/couple. Ultimately, our life in this world is not very long. So why live a stressful life and chase "fools gold" and forgo what you have beautifully in front of you? Embracing and be thankful of what you already have now, will definitely have a better outcome than pressuring people with overwhelming expectations. As the saying goes:

Good things come to those who wait,

Better things come to those who don't give up,

The best things come to those who believe.

Happy Holidays. :)

Some habits of highly successful people during weekends.

I’ve read countless articles about what successful people do on their weekends. Do you want to know the secret? It’s the same thing that they do every other day. As Aristotle said, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

Here are 12 weekend habits of highly successful people:

Robert Iger: Get up early

This Disney CEO is not the only executive claiming to rise at 4:30 every morning. Successful people do not stay in bed until 2 p.m. on a Sunday. Or even 11 a.m. Research shows that our brains are sharpest two and a half to four hours after waking. Get up early on a weekend and you’ve got a head start on the rest of the world.

Benjamin Franklin: Have a plan

Apparently, this founding father asked himself every morning, “What good shall I do today?” Successful people know the importance of even daily goals — the weekends are no exception. Sure, they can be a time for (planned and purposeful) rejuvenation, but you don’t have to be President to know that general slacking off is not an option.

Timothy Ferris: Don’t multi-task

Multi-tasking is so 2005. It may be tempting to maximize your weekend productivity by running on the treadmill while calling your mother and trolling your newsfeed, but successful people know that this just reduces efficiency and effectiveness. Instead, be present for each single activity. Ferris recommends a maximum of two goals or tasks per day to ensure productivity and accomplishments align.

Anna Wintour: Stay active

Vogue’s editor-in-chief commits to playing tennis for one hour every day. And she’s not the only big-shot making time for exercise. Richard Branson stays active with kite surfing and India’s fourth-richest billionaire is a serial marathon runner. Successful people know the importance of an active body for an active mind — weekends included. If nothing else, it will also counteract that glass of wine and cheese platter from Saturday night.

Steve Jobs: Prioritize what’s important

“Things don’t have to change the world to be important.” Weekends are the time to remind yourself of the forgotten little things — to keep your work-life harmony (the new ‘balance’) in check and reset if needed. Spending time with your friends, children or partner might not directly increase profits that day or propel you into the limelight, but that doesn’t make it any less important. Even the current US President famously makes time to sit down for dinner with his family.

Warren Buffet: Make time for hobbies

He may be considered the most successful investor of the 20th century, but in his “spare” time Buffett likes to play the ukulele. Successful people are often interesting people — and their hobbies have a lot to do with that. Sure, golfing on Saturdays can be a great way to network and source business opportunities. But, even solo hobbies — knitting like Meryl Streep or oil painting like George W. Bush — can aid success through fostering creativity and relieving stress.

Oprah: Practice stillness

Forbes’ most powerful celebrity of 2013 still finds time to sit in stillness for 20 minutes — twice a day! This once-best-kept secret of the yogis is now common knowledge. Even the corporate world is acknowledging the benefits of meditation and mindfulness for reducing stress, improving productivity, facilitating creativity and maintaining general well-being. The weekends can often be busier than week days with attempting to cram in chores, exercise, family commitments, social engagements and more into a 48-hour period. The most successful people take daily time out for stillness, weekends included. They don’t call it a meditation “practice” for nothing.

Randi Zuckerberg: Forget FOMO, Embrace JOMO

We’ve all done it — posted a tastefully filtered snap of our weekend antics or checked in on social media to elicit “likes” and envy from our friends/followers (#bragging). Enter, the era of FOMO (fear of missing out). On weekends, we’re even more prone to FOMO. But the founder and CEO of Zuckerberg Media (and, you guessed it, the sister to Facebook’s creator) says people should be focusing on JOMO (the joy of missing out) — the mantra that “there is nowhere I’d rather be than exactly where I am.” Successful people are often competitive, high achievers by nature — practicing an attitude of gratitude and resisting social-media-induced FOMO is key for a happy weekend. And isn’t happiness the real marker of success?

Bill Gates: Take time to reflect

The founder of Microsoft famously said, “It’s fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.” Reflection should be a daily practice but the weekends are a perfect opportunity to step back and reflect on the lessons of the previous week and to make improvements for the next. Author of “The Happiness Project,” Gretchen Rubin, suggests starting a “one sentence journal” to encourage daily reflection. Make Saturday or Sunday your day to flick back through the week’s entries!

Richard Branson: Give back

This billionaire entrepreneur says that “it is amazing how focusing your mind on issues like health, poverty, conservation and climate change can help to re-energize your thinking in other areas.” Successful people agree with Anne Frank: “No one has ever become poor from giving.” Tom Corley studied the rich for five years before writing his book “Wealthy Habits: The Daily Success Habits of Wealthy Individuals.” He found that 73% of wealthy people volunteer for five or more hours per month. Nothing helps put things in perspective and reduce stress more than helping those less fortunate. Weekends are a great time to get involved in local and community volunteer events.

Jack Dorsey: Get ready for the rest of the week

The Twitter and Square co-founder is notorious for 16-hour work days from Monday to Friday but says, “Saturday I take off. I hike. And then Sunday is reflections, feedback, strategy and getting ready for the rest of the week.” Forget Sunday blues, let’s call it “Sort-Your-Life-Out Sunday.” Laura Vanderkam, author of “What the Most Successful People Do on the Weekend,” says successful people know that weekends are actually the secret weapon in professional success: “You need to hit Monday ready to go.”

Jay Z: Keep up the momentum

He’s made an empire as a highly successful rap artist and entrepreneur, and the secret is right there in his lyrics: “You can want success all you want, but to get it, you can’t falter. You can’t slip. You can’t sleep. One eye open, for real, and forever.” (Decoded) Jay Z didn’t become worth $520 million by only wanting it five out of seven days of the week. If you want to eventually spend your weekends on a luxury yacht in the Caribbean with Beyoncé, unrelenting grit and persistence might just get you there. Well, we can always dream, right?

It’s settled then. Success is a 24/7 lifestyle choice — weekends included! So what are you ACTUALLY doing this weekend? :)

How to approach girls, featuring my cute nephew in USA. :)

How to approach a girl. He makes it so easy. :)

Step 1: Be cute

Step 2: Locate girl across the room

Step 3: Stop eating and think how to approach the girl

Step 4: Offer food to the girl

Step 5: Eat together

Step 6: Eat together but closer this time

Step 7: Mission accomplished! Happy!

10 Types of Women That Men Do Not Want to Marry

I've read about the reasons from various sources but i'll just write up about a few factors which to my humble opinion weighs more than the rest. Yes, i do agree that there are a lot of bloody bastard guys out there whom are players, womanizers and etc which inevitably give MAN a bad name and not to forget leaving the good guys being unwillingly tagged and associated with those bloody bastards. But women/girls! there are good men out there and when you do have/find one, don't screw up for some "short thrill" as it will be almost impossible to find good guys/men out there since the "bloody bastards" type are filling the earth like cockroaches nowadays! However, good guys/men too have preferences in choosing their partners and these are the few, which in my humble opinion, are the crucial factors that may drive them away. Hence ladies, maybe you can make some head-way on this to avoid being in these categories:

Miss "Bossy Pants": This woman usually can't help herself; she has bossy in her DNA. When a man first meets her, he might think this character trait is cute, for awhile. However, once he starts to feel like he is in grammar school being told what to do by his second grade teacher, he will give this woman her walking papers.

Miss "Playing Games With His Heart": This woman thinks that being a game player will help her land a man. However, even though a man might be intrigued by a hard to get lady in the beginning, as soon as he decides that he is interested in her, all he wants is an honest straightshooter. If this woman doesn't remove Battleship from her repertoire quite quickly, she will be shown the door before she can even sink his vessel.

Miss "I Want To Change You": This woman is lurking everywhere. She is the type of woman many men are the most leery of. (Of course, there are some men who love this woman because of their own insecurities.) She claims that she loves her guy just the way he is, but little by little, she chips away at just about everything about him. First, it's his wardrobe, then it's his taste in music. However, when she gets to his friends and his hobbies, she is usually kicked to the curb.

Miss "Suspiciously Jealous": This woman is on edge all the time because she is very distrusting. Many times, she has been burnt in the past, so she is on guard for anything that looks or feels wrong. When a man first meets this woman, he sees her as a damsel in distress and wants to reassure her that he is nothing like that guy in her past. However, once she accuses him one too many times, he will have no choice to leave her because he can't go through his life being prosecuted for somebody else's crimes.

Miss "I Live For You And I Have Nothing Else Going On": This woman is very difficult for a man to date, let alone marry. At first, he is flattered that she is so into him, but very quickly, he feels overwhelmed and suffocated by her. As a woman, you must have something going on in your own life so that you are not just waiting by the door for him to come home.

Miss "I Have Daddy Issues": This woman usually dates older men and deep down is looking for a father figure, not a boyfriend or husband. Initially, her guy might like how she looks to him for approval and the answer to all of her questions, but soon, he realizes that he wants to have sex with a real woman, not someone who is stuck in her teen years trying to get Daddy to notice her.

Miss "I Speak To My Mother Five Times A Day About Everything": This woman has her mother on speed dial and can't seem to make a decision or do anything without getting her opinion. When a guy first meets her, he thinks it's nice that she is so close to her family, but soon, he finds it to be way too much. A man just doesn't want to have to ask her mother's permission about things in his life.

Miss "Shhh, I Shouldn't Really Be Saying This, But...": This woman is like a human Page Six. She loves to gossip and talk about other people and she loves to hear things about other people as well. Initially when a guy meets her, he might be entertained by her anecdotes but eventually, he begins to wonder what she is saying behind his back.

Miss "Keeping Up With The Joneses": This woman needs to be at least as good as everyone else she knows. She is constantly talking about what the other people do and what the other people have. This places a lot of undue pressure on her guy and eventually, he justs gets fed up that she can't appreciate what they have instead of wishing she was someone else.

Miss "I Don't Eat": This woman picks at her food, is on a never-ending diet or doesn't eat pretty much everything that most people eat. When a man first meets her, he thinks to himself, at least she will never become overweight, but eventually he realizes that it's no fun to eat alone. The fact is men like to eat; they like steak, they like trying different foods, they like dessert and women should be eating too, at least sometimes.

Keep in mind that most men just want a happy and easy going woman who has good values, so just focus on putting the best YOU out there.

So, that's about what i can think of but just maybe you can think of any other types of women that are unattractive to men?

Simple equation, complicated minds, disruptive characters

Simple right? 1+1=2. The universal fact and even a small kid knows that. Even a child learning his/her ABC's know that. So, why is it that adults fail to know or understand such a simple equation which we had known since young. Stupidity? Heck no. I'll get back to this "simple" equation and why i have it early in this post.

Sometimes it really blows my top and I cringe hard when someone I know comes up to me with some problems with their relationships. Human behavior is, that if someone you know complains about some problem in their relationships, you most likely may side that someone as he/she is either your friend or relative or just someone close to you. For me, i take a different approach. As they say, there is always two sides of a story. So, yes, i was approached by a friend about a relationship problem between her and her better half. After all the yada yada that she kept blurting out and showing the text messages that transpired between herself and her better half, i needed an asprin myself. Adding salt to injury, i still haven't recovered from my almost-2-weeks cough.

The first thing I had to point out to my this frantically-going-nuts friend of mine was the root of the problem. You know, we always look at things or people and say "how i wish i had that" or how i wish my girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband was like that". But in actual fact, their better half they have now is exactly what they have been looking for. But they were treated like dirt..unbothered about how they feel, or when they don't have the mood or don't feel like it, just snub them aside and probably throw insane tantrums at them. I mean who in the first place do you think they are to you? DOGS? ROBOTS? So, this particular friend of mine, good thing is that i do know her better half too and he is a really great guy. So, the first thing i asked my friend was "did he talk to you about this?" she went on blabbing that yes he did but.......i just couldn't make out the rest as god, if i absorb another word from this crazy friend of mine, i'll probably smack her upside-down. Hence, i went on to say, "look, your bf wants to talk to you. but u're not listening. you want things to go your own f-ing way only. If that's the case, why not just get married to yourself and use a dildo all the time?". In many relationships, couples who bravado about themselves that they are this and that, goodie-two-shoes, ms/mr perfect and they have this crazy expectation that everyone is suppose to give way to them and they are not suppose to change anything about themselves. To me that's is so immature..down right immature. A relationship and even more in a marriage, it's about 2 individuals becoming one. As the saying goes, it takes two hands to clap.

My friend was complaining that she just had an argument with her better half and i swear to god, it was so trivial, that even a 4 year old child will laugh. They were arguing about small little NOTHINGS. which made me feel like i should shoot myself to get away from the misery. My friend just kept insulting her bf and she just did not understand the meaning of love and being together. I just had to ask her one thing, "what if your better half did EXACTLY the same thing to you like what you did and say to him now, would you be mad?". and of course, i expected an answer like this: "he dares? i'll kill him". So, my next question is, "who do you think you are then? If you don't like people to do the same to you, why the hell are you doing it to others?" And for heavens sake this friend of mine, she has suddenly just stopped showing affection to her better half, but she complains "he never says I love you to me anymore". I asked her to send me whatever texts she had with him and my god, her better half was like everyday asking nicely, "dear have you eaten?", "dear, don't forget to wear a jacket when it's cold" and YES, i saw several messages that her better half did mention he loves her very much..but slowly fading and i could see why. it's because, it was she herself who does not respond to any of these affections. I told her to seriously go change her contact lenses to a higher power if she wore one and f-ing read all the texts again that she has with him. When your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband shows affection to you, by all means do f-ing respond and show them your love too! OMG, that was so hard that I had to get a double PHD for that...i mean cmon, that's just so simple! EVERYONE, be it a guy or a girl would want to be loved and appreciated for what they have done. EVERYONE wants that. so, if you love that guy/girl, what so hard for you to show a affection or to show love to your other half? what the F is stopping you? face? ego? That brings me back to the equation of 1+1=2. so, the universal fact is 1+1=2..there will be no change for that. But people expect 1+0=2. why 0? is because they do not want to do anything or maybe do some small things and expect the equation to be 2. It's not just a one-time-off-thing that you do and it last for the rest of your whole relationship life, it's always a constant everyday small little things that makes the relationship grow. My friend wants 1+0=2 or 1+0.5=2. Is she insane?

There were just so many things she went yada yada about but i'll just write about one more thing. She mentioned that she had been stressed out with her work and etc. and she is "too lazy" to type or talk more to the better half. For crying out loud, she thinks she is the only one busy there and his better half isn't at all. I just slammed at her and said, "cmon, grow up will you? how is it that your bf is busy too but still find time to chat or talk to you and mind you, it's alot of times he wants too have a nice conversation with you but you just turn him flat down by answering his texts with really short replies..and additional to that, with no affection, what-so-ever. you're lucky that he doesn't have another girl for himself and even IF he does, you can't blame him as you have sidelined him yourself." You see, i saw this video by Mark Gungor, and in that video he mentioned that affairs most of the time are not just about sex, it's about emotion. It's because in a relationship, one individual in the couple had dismissed or neglected the other half's dreams, sharings, feelings and emotions and when that other poor emotionally neglected half talks to some bimbo, and this bimbo finds his dreams, sharings, feelings and emotions are great things, that the neglector is now in trouble. I absolutely agree with Mark. My friend doesn't know that her better half is a human being who has emotions and feelings and also want to be loved the same way as he loves her! And my friend's better half is an entrepreneur and i do know entrepreneurs have alot of shit to do (although we look at them like they have nothing to do but they really do have a lot of shit to do. even more than any average working class people) and still find time to try to talk to my friend and show his affections to her. I really pity him. I just had to tell off my lunatic friend, "look, you have a great guy with you now. do you remember how much u were telling me how great he is? I know him too and i kn0w he is a great person. if you continue your disruptive character, being egoistic and stubborn, i'm telling you, you are only pushing him away yourself, not others. if you think you're like this and you are stubborn and hard headed not to change yourself, then i suggest you get a dildo and use it on yourself for the rest of your life!" Yes, the saying goes we should be loved for who we are. I'm not altering that perspective but for crying out loud, if you have found someone really good and you know he/she is a great person, please in the name of god, lower your ego, stubbornness and other disruptive characters that will indefinitely disrupt your relationship. There is nothing wrong in apologizing and i can place all my marbles on that, that your better half would appreciate that fully.

I told my friend one last advice, "before you even want to get angry and criticize and scold your better half, please do think if those exact same words you're gonna use is used against you. If you do not like those words to be used on you, then for love of god, don't use it on your better half."

"Do not disappoint the wrong people just because you don't know how to check on yourself"

How can we be happy?

A wonderful short story :: HOW CAN WE BE HAPPY ?

Once a group of 50 people was attending a seminar.

Suddenly the speaker stopped and decided to do a group activity. He started giving each one a balloon. Each one was asked to write his/her name on it using a marker pen. Then all the balloons were collected and put in another room.

Now these delegates were let in that room and asked to find the balloon which had their name written, within 5 minutes. Everyone was frantically searching for their name, colliding with each other, pushing around others and there was utter chaos.

At the end of 5 minutes no one could find their own balloon.

Now each one was asked to randomly collect a balloon and give it to the person whose name was written on it.

Within minutes everyone had their own balloon.

The speaker began— exactly this is happening in our lives. Everyone is frantically looking for happiness all around, not knowing where it is.

Our happiness lies in the happiness of other people. Give them their happiness; you will get your own happiness.

And this is the purpose of human life.

Is this not what you are looking for?

Several things to stop fighting about in a relationship

All couples argue. It's not only normal, but can be healthy for your relationship. Still, there are a few issues many of us fight about that don't need to cause as much stress as they do.

I've read somewhere about a lady named Lisa Brookes Kift, a marriage and family therapist, says disagreements in any relationship are inevitable, but that working through issues productively is a choice. Here she offers her insight into the five things you should stop fighting about in your relationship this fall – and how best to do so.

1. Misunderstandings 

If you've ever lashed out at your significant other only to realize you've jumped to the wrong conclusion, you're not alone. "Much of what couples get into tiffs about revolves around miscommunication," explains Brookes Kift. "One person feels hurt or angry by what they believe the other meant by something."

Very often the very thing that caused the anger is not even accurate. The solution is to check in with your partner about what you assumed he or she meant. "Give them a chance to clarify," she says. "If more couples made a habit of this, there would be far more relationship harmony."

It sounds like a simple solution, but when making assumptions, people often react first before checking in, which can cause unnecessary spats.

2. Insecurities and lack of emotional safety 

I've also read that was noted by Brookes Kift that some couples have no idea that they are ultimately fighting because they don't feel secure with each other. Not experiencing your partner as a safe haven tends to cause distress that can show up in a lot of ways, especially in arguments.

"Emotional safety, in my definition, is about feeling prioritized, respected, validated and loved. Couples who have this basic foundation in place benefit with the sense of knowing they are on solid ground together," she explains.

The solution is to get educated on the elements of a safe and secure relationship and to discuss what each of your needs are and what buttons not to push.

"Make it a priority to know what each other's emotional wounds are, and be sensitive to them," she says.

3. Time spent together

People often come together in a relationship with different levels of expectations of how much "me" and "we" time they need.

"This often becomes a point of contention, particularly when one person has an expectation of more than the other," says Brookes Kift. "It's important that both are validated."

It's important to try to strike a balance that allows both parties to feel loved, but to also have a sense of independence within the relationship. "Be open to listening to each other about your needs. Find ways to honour them both and compromise," she advises.

4. Communication

I've written this in one of my post previously and i believe this should be one of the strong basis that couples should have with each other.

This one always surprises me. Women love to talk. They talk to our girlfriends constantly; they’re always on the phone to our mother, bitching to co-workers, complaining to our boss. WHY is it when it comes to relationships, these communication skills go straight out the window?!

How many times have girlfriends come to me complaining about how they’re pissed at their man because he’s fucked something up? And when I ask if they told their significant other why they’re pissed, the usual response is “No – he should already KNOW why I’m mad.” or "No - he should already KNOW what I want or what to do".

Ah, are you dating a psychic? Can he read your mind? Unless you are, then here’s the kicker – no man is going to know you’re mad, or why you’re mad unless you actually tell him.

You want him to go down on you a certain way? Remember that men are won't know when it comes to eating girls out – vaginas are like a really hard Sudoku puzzle and no man can figure out the ideal combination. Some girls like two fingers here, one thumb in there and tongue going in a counterclockwise direction, other girls like a fist in once and just a knuckle in the other.

What I’m trying to say is that every girl is different, so if you want to enjoy sex and stop faking your orgasms,  or want him to give a helping hand on something for you, then you need to communicate what you want.

5. Lack of responsibility

It's easier to point the finger than it is to take ownership over anything you might do that causes tension in your relationship.

Brookes Kift said, "The real skill is being able to hold up a mirror to your own behaviour and not only own it, but offer a relationship repair if damage has been done"

Make a habit of asking yourself what your role is in any regular arguments that occur. "Mindful reflection on this matter can reduce blame and provide a more balanced perspective on a matter that may very well involve both partners," she advises.

"There are many potential stumbling blocks for couples, some you may not have even considered," says Kift. It's important to be aware of the root cause of an issue so you can come up with a solution before the argument gets out of hand. Being in a relationship is all about working through things as a team, not against one another.